Bathroom Babble
Recently Mel (my fiancee) and I (myself and quite possibly me too) had a heated argument. Well, it was about as heated as a cup of 3-day old tea left out in the Antarctic blizzards, but never the less the subject matter has reduced me to babbling incessantly in front of the bathroom vanity mirror.
I suppose this is nothing very unusual at all, since babbling incessantly in front of the bathroom vanity mirror is a hobby of mine. I once had a very engaging conversation with my reflection about the perception of reality...whereupon my reflection perceived I was an idiot and left the room, which proved very inconsiderate since I was in the middle of a very good point, and had shaved only half of my chin. But I digress.
It was the topic itself of this bathroom babble that garnered great consternation within me. You see, it was all about facial hair. More to the point, stubble. I have what some might call a
baby face, which is to say that when I'm totally clean-shaven I look about 6 years younger than I really am. Only half the time does it amuse me to have people think I'm almost ready to graduate high school, and then I inform them that I have in fact acquired a college Bachelor's degree. The other half of the time involves me insisting to the nice bouncers at the bar that yes, I am in fact 24...25...whatever, but again, I digress.
Having a certain amount of 5 o'clock shadow on my face tends to help me look my actual age (behaving my actual age is an altogether different rant), and I don't mind having a bit of stubble. Neither does Mel, for that matter--and that's referring to stubble on my face, not hers, for those of you who want to play semantics.
There's one significant and notable drawback, and therein lies the issue. You see, the whole "older and somewhat-kind-of-just-maybe, handsomely rugged-looking" look only works if the "shadow" follows my jawline and stays under the chin. In essence: the stubble effect only works as a beard. I am chagrined to admit this, but I really do believe that if I have any sort of vague semblance of a moustache, I wind up looking like some middle aged French pervert. Mel, sweet woman that she is in not trying to shatter my delicate ego, tells me that I don't look all that bad with the full stubble effect.
I still advocate that with the moustache stubble, I resemble the kind of guy you don't want to see peeking at you through the bushes. This does bring to light the question of what kind of guy you
would want to see peeking at you through the bushes, but since there are no bushes around the house in which I live, that renders it irrelevant.
So now my shaving routine has grown even more complicated. Before I just did a total shave every 2-3 days. Now I can push the shave to every 3-4 days, but only if every 2nd day I remove the fiendish moustache stubble. This is all hampered by the fact that I forget to shave most of the time anyways. Life is harsh sometimes. Dealing with your facial hair shouldn't be.
Today's Lesson: Thoreau once said,
"Simplify, simplify!" I bet Thoreau had no facial hair to contend with.
posted by Phillip at 7:00 PM
